Death

funny that my second post should be a topic as enigmatic as such. death eludes our questions and defies our feeble attempts at understanding its treacherous self. enigmatic or not, i take comfort in the fact that death's embrace is the last embrace a man will know. and perhaps that's all there is to it.

today i attended my grandfather's funeral. no big hoo-ha. i remembered the first funeral i went to, which happened to be that of a friend close to me, i shed buckets of tears. the emotion was something i couldnt control, probably stemming from the fact that i felt it was unfair for someone so young and showing so much promise to be torn away from the face of this earth. and also because he was close to my heart. ironically, i didnt really feel upset about my grandfather's death. he was a faraway figure and didnt really actively partake in my life. and i cannot bring myself to cry for someone i did not respect. fair enough, without him, my mum could not exist, and in turn me, so perhaps i must show that that little bit of respect.

as i grow older, i've grown more accustomed to the workings of death. she is sly, she is steathy and she wrestles each of your loved ones from your grip. but she is also all-knowing and all-seeing. no one escapes from her loving touch, and each soul touched leave with a ghastly smile. another great adventure to embark on.

we did the usual stuff like fold and burn joss papers and chant rites in a language i-know-not, and again i found me questioning myself. why are we doing all these? what is its significance? in this, i found the answer in filial piety. i may not believe in religion, but my parents certainly do, and since these little acts will make them happy, then as a son i cannot let them down.

is there a fluffy-clouds-drifting-with-angelic-girls-strumming-on-their-golden-harps or a burn-for-all-eternity-and-suffer place for us to go to? fact or fiction, faith or logic aside, i am of the opinion that when we die, we simply cease to exist. we stop living; we stop being. because none of the dead can come back to tell us what really happens, so there is no empirical evidence that tell us for sure where we go. that's why we must seek to make our time on this world as meaningful as possible. there is no second chance, no life after death. so soon as i've come to accept this thought, i've come to realise that we only truly live on in the memories of those still alive. i do not want to be lying on my deathbed begrudging the fact that i've yet to achieve all the things that i've set out to accomplish, or travelled and climbed all over the world - in essence i do not want to live a life of regret. life expectancy is a concept that is really laughable. anyone can die of anything at anytime. you can walk along the pavement and get slammed into by a car. you can walk along the void deck and get hit by killer litter. therein lies the wisdom behind the phrase: live each day as you would live your last. if it is really true that you can die at any time, then i would want to die with a smile etched across my face.

on this day i make this stand. when i die, i do not want my parents or brothers or wife or children cry for me. i do not want them to go to some columbarium every year and stand around and think of me. their time can be better spent elsewhere - perhaps in the pursuit of knowledge or passion. i want them to be happy that i've lived a life doing what i love most. and i would want them to carry on their lives like before. death is just an eventual adventure that we'll have to embark on alone. the above opinions are my own and are not meant to aggravate or anger other people with differing ideals.


renold messar: adventure is not possible without the possibility of death.