Why You So Irresponsible?!

A friend heard that I was going to France for 6 week for a rockclimbing trip post graduation. He/she enquired as to whether I've found a job yet, to which I responded that I haven't had such luck. In a passing remark, he commented, "So you haven't found job yet can go holiday already arh?"

At this point, the temperature in the air began to chill. All the baby blue in the sky was draining, revealing dank colours of moody grey and angst black. Cumulonimbus clouds were packing into itself in buffeting rolls of thunderstorm. As the tempest gathered momentum, the overcast sky threatened to tip over and unleash all its bone-chilling contents onto the unsuspecting passers-by below.  

Oh? You haven't gotten my drift yet? To do that, you'll have to read between the lines. Let me translate the comment: "You fucked up leh. Haven't find job yet still can go holiday. Why you so irresponsible?"

That person doesn't know that I've been attending career fairs ever since I was in my first year. That person doesn't know that I'm painfully aware of how inadequate my CV is, and in a bid to polish it I did one internship during my second year and another one during my third year.  To secure the first internship, I sent out letters to over 30 companies, before one finally graciously accepted me for a small position. To secure the second, I had to compete with over 140 other students to gain a spot in the school's cut-throat internship affiliation programme with industry players. Heck, typical undergrads play away these long breaks! The pain of rejection, of feeling small and worthless, only burns too brightly in my mind. 

The person doesn't know that I've painstakingly pulled up CAP up over the semesters until it has reached a level employers recognize to be respectable. After all that effort, the knowledge that it is only good for allowing me to put one foot through the door amuses me to no end. The CAP crawl was achieved  on top of other commitments, e.g. contributing to a fledgling rockclimbing magazine and blog, coaching at various school two to three times a week, training the novice girls in school over one semester, route-setting at both mock and actual competitions, and the heaviest of them all, an athlete for one of our local gyms. But I'm not complaining - I revel in the rush. I've never felt more alive.

The person doesn't know that I've been called up for two interviews already, both for investment analyst positions, the first with a property fund and the second with a property consultancy. For the latter, I'm humbly honoured that it was via a recommendation from a professor to one of his director friends. The person doesn't know that I prepared intensively for both, doesn't know the trepidation with which I stepped into the swanky offices, doesn't know that I thought the interviews went well, only to be dealt a mortal blow upon finding out I wasn't further shortlisted for either. 

The person also doesn't know that I'm still keeping my chin up. I'm still trying, still hopeful for this fresh round of hires. I've submitted various applications, but I'm past the stage of worrying about the results. I'll just let the results worry for itself. In the meantime, I'll go pursue what I love to do. I'll also hope for some luck. After all, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Too bad the opportunities are few and far between.

And for that person.. Well.. What he/she doesn't know won't hurt him/her.