something to inspire me to work towards

chanced about this inspirational passage on leadership and decided to share it on my blog. i have reflected on the topic before, and this story serves to add to that wealth of knowledge.

of particular interest for leadership in contemporary times is a post-heroic approach that focuses on the subtle, unseen, and often unrewarded acts that good leaders perform every day, rather than on the grand accomplishments of celebrated business heroes. during the 1980s and 1990s, leadership became equated with large-than-life personalities, strong egos, and personal ambitions. in contrast, the post-heroic leader's major characteristic is humility - being unpretentious and modest rather than arrogant and prideful. humble leaders dont have to be in the center of things. they quietly build strong, enduring companies by developing and supporting others rather than touting their own abilities and accomplishments.

a key characteristic of level 5 leaders is an almost complete lack of ego, coupled with a fierce resolve to do what is best for the organization. level 5 leaders are shy and unpretentious. they accept full responsibility for mistakes, poor results or failures. they give credit for successes to other people.

darwin smith, who led kimberly-clark from 1971-1991, is a classic example of a level 5 leader. few people have ever heard of him - and that's probably the way he wanted it.

smith was somewhat shy and awkward in social situations, and he dressed much like a farm boy in his first JCPenny suit. he was never featured in splashy articles in Fortune magazine of The Wall Street Journal. yet, far from being meek, smith demonstrated an aggressive determination to revive kimberly-clark, which at the time was a stodgy old paper company that had seen years of falling stock prices. anyone who interpreted his appearance and demeanor as a sign of ineptness soon learned differently, as smith made difficult decisions that set kimberly-clark on the path to greatness. when smith took over, the company's core business was in coated paper. convinced that this approach doomed the company to mediocrity, smith took the controversial step of selling the company's paper mills and investing all its resources in consumer products such as kleenex and huggies diapers. this, coming from a man who when being promoted to CEO, questioned the board's directors whether they really wanted to appoint him because he didnt believe he had the qualifications a CEO needed.

this reminds me of an earlier blog post, in which i mused how perhaps the best leaders are those who did not seek or desire the position.

over his 20 years as CEO, smith turned kimberly-clark into the leading consumer paper products company in the world, beating rivals scott paper and proctor & gamble. the company generated cumulative stock returns that were 4.1 times greater that those of the general market. when asked about his exceptional performance after his retirement, smith said simply, "i never stopped trying to become qualified for the job".

to the edge and back

i fainted during training last monday. it was an unique experience, and according to certain sources, i was the first person to 'achieve' such a feat. along the way to the hospital, i mused that this would make a superb story. so here goes.

for the past 5-6 weeks before that fateful monday, i survived on 5-6 hours of sleep daily. the syllabus is getting tougher, and to keep up i put in extra hours daily to claw against the deluge of concepts/formulas which are currently beyond me. tutorials are challenging, what with us standing in the shoes of consultants and answering tough-as-nails questions from make-believe clients. project deadlines are looming, and boy are the topics complex. delving into mountains of arcane texts to try to uncover the jigsaw is the only way out, but before long you'll realise that despite the effort, you've only managed to sink deeper into the hole.

previously, caffeine was foreign to me. i didnt like to rely on what i saw as a drug to sustain my body functions. but now, i was pumping heinous amounts of that substance into my body to keep it from falling apart.

the extra workload is on top of what i've already chosen to shoulder. in a typical day, i keep updated with business news, track the stock market and read analyst reports. that, on top of school requirements. twice a week, i train the novice women in the team. i also try to maintain my mediocre climbing standard.

last monday, after completing some PT exercises, the body just went into shut-down mode. i almost blacked out and had to sit down. sitting down wasn't enough to stem the light-headedness, so i lied down. breathing took on a more slow and laboured tone. i just felt so frail and weak. on hindsight, i should have seen the warning signs - trembling slightly doing exercises i should have easily completed, feeling breathless after doing some easy two-handed pull ups.

in the moments where circumstances forced me to get better acquainted with the floor, and focus solely on drawing the next breath, and willing my body to get its act together (read: not giving up on me), the 'live in the present' adage dawned on me. all the plans i had for the night, like finishing up that essay due next week, or putting orders into the trading platform, all faded into oblivion the moment the reaper came knocking.

sometimes, i wonder if all my efforts are worth it. the conundrum of whether to just 'live for the moment' and be happy, or to work hard now and reap the fruits of delayed gratification later, befuddles me. in my head, there is this imaginary pair of scales, weighing job satisfaction against job security; being frivolous against being dour; being carefree against being responsible; being feather-brained against being intellectually honest.

i only hope that in the big schema of things, that even if each course of action i take may not be the most perfect one, i can say that it was carefully evaluated first. that way, i hold myself accountable, and sharpen my decision-making skills. the financial equivalent of this is, if you take care of the downside, the upside will take care of itself.

i am also reminded to cherish the things which are important. my health and relations with people who really matter are amongst those considerations. when i was grovelling on the hospital bench, a pair of soft yet firm hands were massaging my face, doing its utmost to ease the discomfort. her hands were like warm coals in the snow, it lifts the soul from the deepest, darkest abyss and lights it up with glowing, glistening flames.. it is in times like this, that you really feel like some of those efforts paid off.