Feb 11, 2011

What I Look for in a Friend


So Tell Me What Makes a Friend

The prevalent school of thought is to make as many friends as possible. Indeed, why make enemies when you can make friends? Some people take to others easily, making friends so easily that their friends (at least on facebook) can number in the thousands. I am writing about this because the art of making friends does not come easily to me. Off the top of my head, my definition for a friend is a person who is sincere, loyal and trustworthy, who will accept you for all your peculiarities and will stay at your side through good times and bad times. I remain skeptical of the ability to maintain close ties with hundreds, or even thousands, of friends. To have even just 5 close friends is a challenge daunting to me.


While I acknowledge that having many friends now may prove useful to a person in future, especially in the context of a sales job, I feel that making friends for the sake of securing possible future benefits is counter intuitive at best and superficial at worse.


Diamond in the Rough


Approaching each individual I have a chance to interact with with a beginner's mind is my style. Enter into a conversation and ride it out with no expectations. Perhaps the person lacks physical features which societies deem attractive. Perhaps the person's attitude rub others the wrong way. No matter. I treat them all with equal respect, and talk to them in much the same way I would talk to a friend.
Benjamin Graham, father of value investing, says that in the short run, the market is like a voting machine - tallying up which firms are popular and unpopular. But in the long run, the market is like a weighing machine--assessing the substance of a company.

The message is clear: What matters in the long run is a company's fundamentals and not the public's fickle opinion about its short run prospects. It follows that some of the best bargains are to be found in the picking fields of a contrarian. After critical evaluation and sound judgment, he arrives at the intrinsic worth of a firm, which may be contrary to popular opinion. If he resists the temptation to seek refuge in numbers and sticks to his guns, he will eventually take delight in the value shining through after the weighing process.


A corollary can be drawn here. As much as it is true that there are bargains to be found in the thrash heap of the stock market, there are unpolished gems in the unwanted friends list.

I've found some of the most genuine people I've ever met in my life there. Take for example this friend I've made - lets call him H. H is a fellow competition climber. Before I met him proper, many peers have turned up their noses at him for his rather flamboyant behaviour at climbing competitions. Now, I agree that his actions, when seen from a certain light, are distasteful. But if I didn't take the effort to see past that, I wouldn't have uncovered a very sensitive person with a spiritual soul. He is so full of zest and zeal, that my own life pales in comparison.

Following on from that example, I've made another female friend. Let us call her H too. H has this very inquisitive nature. Asking many questions (sometimes too many) is a part of her life as much as being a bookworm is a part of mine. When tasked to execute, she always questions the rationale, sometimes to the extent of questioning that which is dreadfully obvious to others. This slightly irritable demeanour puts some people off. But I pierce the veil of capricious opinion. Upon deeper probing, I realise she seeks reassurance in reasoning, and as a result, her penchant for complicated concepts. I wish her the best of luck on her journey of self discovery and her dream to become a professor.

Fallible Like Every Other Man

Thus far, from what I've written, the reader could have extracted bits of information regarding my personality. From what they gathered, it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for them to imagine this author to be all-embracing saint-like person. I must admit I am far from that.

I have a personal pet peeve too. I have little tolerance for feather-brained people (speak without thinking/seek undue joy from materialistic pursuits/given to frivolity). That trait, while endearing to others, holds little appeal to me. I just hope that with the passing of age, I can learn to become less judgmental and more accommodating.

2 comments:

  1. um .. i dun know really ... it's good to have many friends because when you lose one you don't lose like 25% of your friends - but then again i am a bit different cause when i came here i had ZERO.
    ... i do know that i have very very few friends and that i try to hold onto them with everything i can - including my bulging biceps hahah

    That being said, I think you should have a large social circle (good for your future work life) and few very good friends.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Claudia,

    Words of wisdom indeed! Advice heeded. It's just me and my silly muses.. Please feel free to knock some sense into me whenever necessary.

    Jansen

    ReplyDelete