說好的幸福呢?

怎麽了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了

Cynicism

Step 1: Understanding

Working in an office, while conceived to be a dull and dreary activity by some, has interesting moments. More precisely, there are moments of revelation where you go, "Ahhh.. Now I see.."

I've had the privilege of observing, albeit from afar, an assortment of sales teams. They (in their various capacities with the investment, commercial, residential and industrial segments) work tirelessly to close deals.

The world of closing deals is a zero sum game. I win or you lose. There is no grey area. There is only have or have-not, has or has-been. I've watched a colleague working hard to close a deal (sale of a commercial property) for close to 2 years, only to have it snatched from him right under his nose. Needless to say, he was in a foul mood the entire morning. Eyes flashing and the veins at his temples pulsing, he looked ready to snap at the slightest provocation. I could sense his stormy aura a mile away. But by afternoon, he's already licked his wounds and gearing up for the next big deal.

Job Title: Competitive Competition Competitor

Perhaps no one can express the exasperation, frustration and angst better than Jon, second placed competitor for the Azimuth Hang Challenge. "6 hours of torture and nothing to show for it". This gutsy dude had the verve to bite the tile in a desperate bid to not let go. He wanted to win that badly. Dear Sir, I salute your audacity. For what it's worth, I would also like to say, "Try harder next time". But I know that he, like me, has little use for petty words of consolation. That we do not say such things to each other is a testament to our friendship.

It's so obvious to see. Typically they plod along as they walk, but when they seal the deal, they prance about with a little skip in their steps. Before is a customary stiff disposition and a stern countenance, after yields a distinguishable swagger and an uncharacteristic grin. They issue press releases about it (the adult version of bragging).

The one conclusion that I've drawn from my observations, is that the 'It's okay to fail. It's not about the results, it's all about the process/journey' is a lie told by teachers to school children. In the business world, there is no such moddle-coddlying. Companies have to answer to their shareholders, and this necessarily makes them profit-driven. There is little room for error. To put it harshly, 'it's the journey, not the result' may well just be a convenient front the failures seek refuge behind.

Shouldn't there be some reward for effort?

Some tangible form of reward for those people who toil, sweat and slave? When I voiced my idealism to a senior in the company, he replied curtly, "This is a result-oriented society. Deal with it." In the world of sales, it's all about the results. I wonder why - what with commissions and promotions tied to it. What value-add do you bring to the company? Get revenue or get out.

It's a harsh world. Grow up Jansen.


若是英雄 怎麼能　不懂寂寞 If you claim to be a hero, how can you not understand loneliness?
- Lin Jun Jie (曹操) (Cao Cao)

To Touch a Stranger

Sometimes, I wonder if my demeanour is optimal for someone who is supposed to be a somewhat of a spokesperson for ClimbAsia. I wonder if someone more expressive will be more suitable. I just feel compelled to clarify any potential skeletons in the closet, in much the same way an inquisitive child asks his mother why the sky is blue or why the girls are pretty.

Lets start with my ideal of a perfect sponsored athlete. He is a person with boyish good looks, an outgoing and bubbly personality, the person who sends when everyone else falls. He would be the perfect ambassador, with soft skills to make fans swoon and hard skills to make rocks crumble. Unfortunately, in all of the above criteria, I fall short. Some people think me stodgy. Some people think me to be aloof, or even go as far as to call me arrogant, because of my reluctance to partake in what I perceive as mindless chatter. And I certainly take a whipper just like any other climber on a hard route. Others think me to be boring, otherwise why else would he choose to intern away his holidays when he can go for long climbing trips?

You see.. My time is limited, so when I get down to the gym, it's all about training. I want to improve so badly I drive myself crazy thinking about it. Not stopping to exchange pleasantries, while no doubt objectionable, is just one of my adaptations. I make no apologies for it.

You see.. I am perfectly capable of small talk. In fact, the aunties at the office love me for it. I can small talk till the cows come home, but I have better things to do with my time. My nature to be more serious, to think before I speak, is shaped by my upbringing. And I make no apologies for it.

Despite my strong-headedness, I question myself all the time. My motivations, the basis for my actions.. are they sound? Is my stoicism, my persistence in being who I am, turning some people off? Which is why I'm so gratified that two Sundays ago, a totally random stranger bumped into me, and commended me for my (sic) 'amazing climbing'. The following conversation transpired..

Me: Sees Stranger and mustered a pleasant smile
Stranger: I saw you climbing (at the high wall) earlier.. Your climbing is amazing!
Me: Erm.. Thanks! (wide smile)(in a small voice)(heart set a flutter)
Stranger: You're Jansen right?
Me: Yeah..
Stranger: I saw your dyno at BoulderActive, it was damn good!
Me: Heh..
*he continued to ask me about climbing and performance, climbing injuries and how to deal with them, to which I answered to the best of my ability. After all, how can you not take to someone who has just sent you to the highest heaven?

Some random person outside my social circle coming up to personally tell me he appreciates my climbing. Talk about being inspired. Now, I'm even more resolved to stick with what has become a defining part of what makes me, me - unassuming, nonchalant yet fiercely determined.

ClimbAsia Athlete Duty - Introductory Interview

We know how important it is to keep your cool during climbing. Hesitation or agitation will distract you from executing a move perfectly. Trying to rush changing feet is another method of inviting failure. For those of you who know Jansen Ko personally and have seen him climb, you would know this brainy and cool climber is the epitome of control and decisiveness. This week, Rock Jock finds out from our new Team Climb Asia athlete Jansen what makes him tick and how we can become the Zen master that he is.


GT2: Hello Great Zen Master Jansen! A big welcome to Team Climb Asia! Care to share with us a little bit about yourself?

Jansen: I wear different hats: a child to my parents, a brother to my siblings, a student to my teachers, a coach to my students, and others. I present different bits of myself to different people, so which bit of myself would you like to know? Thought that I can finally pursue higher learning in university, but ironically education is getting in the way. Luckily, there is climbing to keep me sane.


GT2: Oh studying...less time to climb is never good! Is there anything interesting about yourself that doesn’t involve climbing! Climbers can be such boring people cos all they do is climb and talk and dream about climbing.

Jansen: I’m quite the foodie, especially for hawker fare. Old hawker centres have a lot of history and character. At the recommendation of friends, I will specially travel to some hidden corner of Singapore to suss out the good eats. I feel very at home jostling for a seat in a hawker centre and ordering food in Singlish. Some climbers may adhere to special diets, but I have no inhibitions towards eating local delights like Char Kuay Teow, Mee Rebus or Nasi Lemak, in moderation of course!


GT2: Our local delicacies are probably the reason why Singaporean climbers can stick to the grimiest holds in the universe. Haha! Moving on, so what is it about Climb Asia that made you agree to be our sponsored athlete? What do you hope to contribute by being in Team Climb Asia?

Jansen: A very big part behind the success of any venture is the story it tells. I love the ClimbAsia story, of 3 friends, who at the crossroads of their lives, came together to pursue a shared dream. Their efforts made that dream become reality, and provided a generation of climbers with the inspiration to climb hard. Such a heart-warming story don’t you think? I’m very honoured to have been offered this opportunity to learn and grow with Climb Asia. To fly the Climb Asia flag proudly on my back, that is how I hope to contribute!


GT2: And now for a boring question that every climber asks every other climber: What do you love about climbing and which aspect would you say is the one that most relates to you?

Jansen: Climbing is one entire package of travelling, seeing, learning, trying, understanding, growing. Having sampled a plethora of experiences across the climbing spectrum, I can say this with confidence: I love climbing for its intensity. I do climbing simply because it is difficult. At higher levels, it becomes a form of moving mediation – entering the zone and just letting your instincts take over. You learn so much about yourself that way. Having said that, I also enjoy the company of friends and winding down together after a day outdoors.


GT2: We know you as a very technical climber with composure that will put a Zen Buddhist monk to shame. What goes on in that mind of yours when it is you against the route?

Jansen: I think that composure wise, I still have quite some way to go. I do however, try to master my emotions by learning from the experiences of sportspeople not only in climbing, but in other sports as well. What separates the top climbers from everyone else, is a lack of ego. If you observe carefully, top climbers are nonchalant about their accomplishments. I’m very attracted to the humility, and I want to emulate that.But if you must really know the secret formula, the trick is look aloof and dispassionate on the outside while actually screaming inside!

When I’m on a route, all I think about is how to meld my body into the weaknesses of the rock, to flow across the movements, to persuade the route to allow one more climber to reach its crown.


GT2: Being a busy student, have there been times when you felt it was hard to maintain your high standards of climbing? What methods do you have to motivate yourself to train hard amidst the studying?

Jansen: It is certainly not easy to juggle the demands of school and climbing. Just this semester, I had 6 projects, on top of the usual workload of lectures, tutorials, assignments and presentations. But nothing great is ever achieved without hard work. Knowing that fellow human beings in third-world countries have it much worse serves as a good way to chide myself when I feel tempted to give up. Most importantly, nobody owes me a living. Carpe Diem!

Amidst all the hustle and bustle, I plan a programme for myself and stick to it. When I get down to the gym, it’s all business. Of course, during off-peak periods I like to share, talk and laugh just like everyone else.


GT2: Pumpfest is coming! Can you share with us how you are preparing for the competition?

Jansen: I’m currently doing endurance (build solid foundation) and strength training (muscle hypertrophy). Nearer the competition, I’ll switch to more power-based training (campusing, hard bouldering). I’ll also do competition specific training like bouldering intervals. Not forgetting mental training (onsighting and visualisation) too.


GT2: Any advice for the climbers who will be joining Pumpfest?

Jansen: Live the crowd, enjoy the competition.

The climber must first acknowledge that some nervousness is good. It is the body’s way of raising heartbeat and pumping adrenaline to prepare you for the tasks ahead. But too much nervousness can cripple the climber. I find that a very useful thought is to think that I’m a dancer about to take the stage - the culmination of all the effort from months before is on display. I feel very proud to be able to perform for all to see.

GT2: And we can't wait to catch you in action at Pumpfest 2011! Ladies and gentlemen, that's Team Climb Asia athlete Jansen Ko for you! Remember to head down to Millenia Walk on 4th June to watch him tear the routes apart at the Open Men qualifiers. Your cheers will be a great encouragement to him and our other athletes!

Old Pieces of Writing - Just A Statement of Fact

*Written for Edged on Oct 2010

At the recently concluded SIM Bouldering Championships, some random insight struck me, which I hope to share here.

I’ve been qualifying for Mens Open Finals for like the past 2 years now, consistently for almost every competition. Good enough to qualify, but not good enough to make the podium. Regardless, being able to qualify for the finals has become a rather uncanny ability. No matter if I had to endure the stress of projects and assignments breathing down my throat in weeks past, no matter if I did not sleep properly the night before. Slip in to the finals by a hair’s breadth I somehow manage to.

I didn’t manage to qualify for this competition.

Every competitor knows that there are good days and bad days. Your body cannot be performing at its peak all the time, so you have to periodize your training in order to hem in that optimal level for the competition season. The competitors’ holy grail – making sure your good day coincides with your competition day – is highly sought after. Inevitably, there are days where poor performance becomes an issue. Understanding this, I wasn’t too bothered on failing to make the finals.

Amusingly, when friends asked me how I did for the qualifiers, to which I replied I didn’t make the cut, almost instantaneously, some ‘console-this-dude-if-he-fails-to-qualify’ switch gets flipped on in their brains. They typically launch into a lengthy but well-meaning tirade about how I shouldn’t feel so bad; how competitions aren’t everything there is to rock climbing; how further opportunities abound, and the like. It is quite funny actually – like watching a tape put on rewind, except you didn’t press the rewind button.

Look here. When I say the (almost blasphemous, considering the reaction) words I didn’t qualify, it is simply a statement of fact. No negative emotion, unhappy feelings, suicidal tendencies, or whatsoever, is embedded within. Let me spell it out for you, the proper way to interpret the line is “You didn’t qualify. FULLSTOP”. I cannot emphasize the fullstop enough.

Some people feel a need to proclaim on social media platforms their failure in the undertaking, musing whether to quit climbing, eliciting “WHAT? NO!” responses, seeking reassurances from friends that they’re fine climbers, and revel in that fuzzy warm feeling of being wrapped tightly in that sense of security. I however, do not have such a need. I recognize that on the occasion, I failed to make the cut.

Basically, I see things for what they are. This is a competition – the best man wins. The time spent complaining or living in denial can be better put to reflection, and clinical training. If I had cried my eyes out or got all emotional for every competition I failed to make the finals (the number is quite significant given my ability, or lack thereof), you’ll be seeing a rather shriveled specimen (Jansenes Petrificus Totalis!) now.

Being objective or just being plain rude? Heh. You decide.