i want to be able to speak like that

I've watched this video some time back but chanced upon it again recently. Despite having watched it twice, I never cease to be amazed by his eloquence and the way his thoughts just weave itself into a coherent, masterful oratory.

to bear in mind

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it
- George Santayana

Slaying the Buddha

There is a famous statement in Buddhist literature: If you meet the Buddha on the path, slay him. It is a simple way of teaching that the Buddha is not a god, but an enlightened person. Enlightenment, or Nirvana, is the ideal end state of that journey - a form of discovered awareness. As such, it can only be realised in consciousness, and not obtained by prostrating/submitting oneself to a god figure. At best the teacher can point one in the right direction. At worst, over-reliance exposes the inherent inadequacies in the student, who may be doomed to have that wisdom he seeks forever elude him.

On a recent trip to Thailand, I saw monks fiddling with DSLR cameras in remote mountains and poring over laptop brochures in bustling cities. At resting rooms allocated for them in bus terminals, an uneasy tension fills the air and they appear reluctant to converse with one another. Perhaps the different sects do not see eye to eye? At Central World Plaza, there is a giant Buddha statue sited outside the even more gigantic mall, with watchmen urging passers-by to offer incense to the statue, citing luck beyond one's wildest dreams. Incidentally, the facade of the mall was decked out in the glitz and glamour of the material world, contrary to Buddha's message of living a life of simplicity. The outdoor area was also playing host to three extravagant beer promotion events. The last I remembered, Buddhism and beer was incompatible. This deviance between that which is taught and that which is practiced is all very amusing to me. I've reflected and formed opinions on my observations, but decided against penning them down, for fear of reprisal.

what cave have i been living in?

'What cave have you been living in?'. This was the comment, made rather nonchalantly (and with no ill-intent) to me, which sparked off my inspiration for this blog entry.

I recently went shopping, and found myself fascinated at some of the items that were on the shelves. Intricate swiss-made watches with aesthetically-pleasing analogues; funky Sennheiser full ear headphones which are just so comfortable; exquisite wooden Tivoli radios with sweet dials and knobs; these items pressed the right 'BOY TOYS! ALERT!' buttons. Because of my ignorance of their existence prior to this trip, I was prancing around the stores like a little boy, constantly awed by everything on display. The 'Wow this is cool! Hey I've never seen that before!" comments led to my friend passing the disparaging remark. No doubt the remark was made in jest, and laced with friendly sarcasm, but it really set me thinking.

I think I have a problem. To let readers have a better grasp of what my problem is, I think it is better to share my thought processes upon entering, being in, and leaving a shopping mall.

Before I enter the shopping centre, I try to recall who the landlord/property manager is. It probably belongs to some Real Estate Investment Trust (REIT), so I'll run comparisons in my head on how the REIT stacks up against the other retail REITS on the stock exchange. What are current yields? Have the REIT manager been on the acquisition trail lately? Did it need to raise capital through a rights issue? Was it hit by refinancing problems during the recent financial crisis?

Once in the shopping centre, I observe the shopper traffic levels. High shopper traffic allows the mall to command higher rents, which leads to higher net profits to be distributed among shareholders. I also make mental notes on the occupancy levels. Is there space that is not let out? If yes, is the management doing anything to rectify it? Is there any addition and alteration works happening at the mall to deal with the competition from neighbouring malls?

Upon leaving the shopping centre, I reflect on my experiences within the mall. I recollect the typical shopper profile and whether the mall has lived up to its branding. I note the facade of the subject mall against that of other malls and evaluate which one has more curb appeal.

Judging from the above, perhaps I'm not cut out to be a shopper. What I'm lacking in shopping centre navigational abilities and a mastery of that-which-is-material, I hope I've made up for in spiritual and intellectual well-being.

As to the question of which cave I've been living in, it had better not be Plato's cave (refer to Allegory of the Cave in The Republic), where reality is only as real as the shadows cast against the wall, where prisoners too entrenched to norms to cast off their chains undergo permanent suffrage of the mind.

something to inspire me to work towards

chanced about this inspirational passage on leadership and decided to share it on my blog. i have reflected on the topic before, and this story serves to add to that wealth of knowledge.

of particular interest for leadership in contemporary times is a post-heroic approach that focuses on the subtle, unseen, and often unrewarded acts that good leaders perform every day, rather than on the grand accomplishments of celebrated business heroes. during the 1980s and 1990s, leadership became equated with large-than-life personalities, strong egos, and personal ambitions. in contrast, the post-heroic leader's major characteristic is humility - being unpretentious and modest rather than arrogant and prideful. humble leaders dont have to be in the center of things. they quietly build strong, enduring companies by developing and supporting others rather than touting their own abilities and accomplishments.

a key characteristic of level 5 leaders is an almost complete lack of ego, coupled with a fierce resolve to do what is best for the organization. level 5 leaders are shy and unpretentious. they accept full responsibility for mistakes, poor results or failures. they give credit for successes to other people.

darwin smith, who led kimberly-clark from 1971-1991, is a classic example of a level 5 leader. few people have ever heard of him - and that's probably the way he wanted it.

smith was somewhat shy and awkward in social situations, and he dressed much like a farm boy in his first JCPenny suit. he was never featured in splashy articles in Fortune magazine of The Wall Street Journal. yet, far from being meek, smith demonstrated an aggressive determination to revive kimberly-clark, which at the time was a stodgy old paper company that had seen years of falling stock prices. anyone who interpreted his appearance and demeanor as a sign of ineptness soon learned differently, as smith made difficult decisions that set kimberly-clark on the path to greatness. when smith took over, the company's core business was in coated paper. convinced that this approach doomed the company to mediocrity, smith took the controversial step of selling the company's paper mills and investing all its resources in consumer products such as kleenex and huggies diapers. this, coming from a man who when being promoted to CEO, questioned the board's directors whether they really wanted to appoint him because he didnt believe he had the qualifications a CEO needed.

this reminds me of an earlier blog post, in which i mused how perhaps the best leaders are those who did not seek or desire the position.

over his 20 years as CEO, smith turned kimberly-clark into the leading consumer paper products company in the world, beating rivals scott paper and proctor & gamble. the company generated cumulative stock returns that were 4.1 times greater that those of the general market. when asked about his exceptional performance after his retirement, smith said simply, "i never stopped trying to become qualified for the job".

to the edge and back

i fainted during training last monday. it was an unique experience, and according to certain sources, i was the first person to 'achieve' such a feat. along the way to the hospital, i mused that this would make a superb story. so here goes.

for the past 5-6 weeks before that fateful monday, i survived on 5-6 hours of sleep daily. the syllabus is getting tougher, and to keep up i put in extra hours daily to claw against the deluge of concepts/formulas which are currently beyond me. tutorials are challenging, what with us standing in the shoes of consultants and answering tough-as-nails questions from make-believe clients. project deadlines are looming, and boy are the topics complex. delving into mountains of arcane texts to try to uncover the jigsaw is the only way out, but before long you'll realise that despite the effort, you've only managed to sink deeper into the hole.

previously, caffeine was foreign to me. i didnt like to rely on what i saw as a drug to sustain my body functions. but now, i was pumping heinous amounts of that substance into my body to keep it from falling apart.

the extra workload is on top of what i've already chosen to shoulder. in a typical day, i keep updated with business news, track the stock market and read analyst reports. that, on top of school requirements. twice a week, i train the novice women in the team. i also try to maintain my mediocre climbing standard.

last monday, after completing some PT exercises, the body just went into shut-down mode. i almost blacked out and had to sit down. sitting down wasn't enough to stem the light-headedness, so i lied down. breathing took on a more slow and laboured tone. i just felt so frail and weak. on hindsight, i should have seen the warning signs - trembling slightly doing exercises i should have easily completed, feeling breathless after doing some easy two-handed pull ups.

in the moments where circumstances forced me to get better acquainted with the floor, and focus solely on drawing the next breath, and willing my body to get its act together (read: not giving up on me), the 'live in the present' adage dawned on me. all the plans i had for the night, like finishing up that essay due next week, or putting orders into the trading platform, all faded into oblivion the moment the reaper came knocking.

sometimes, i wonder if all my efforts are worth it. the conundrum of whether to just 'live for the moment' and be happy, or to work hard now and reap the fruits of delayed gratification later, befuddles me. in my head, there is this imaginary pair of scales, weighing job satisfaction against job security; being frivolous against being dour; being carefree against being responsible; being feather-brained against being intellectually honest.

i only hope that in the big schema of things, that even if each course of action i take may not be the most perfect one, i can say that it was carefully evaluated first. that way, i hold myself accountable, and sharpen my decision-making skills. the financial equivalent of this is, if you take care of the downside, the upside will take care of itself.

i am also reminded to cherish the things which are important. my health and relations with people who really matter are amongst those considerations. when i was grovelling on the hospital bench, a pair of soft yet firm hands were massaging my face, doing its utmost to ease the discomfort. her hands were like warm coals in the snow, it lifts the soul from the deepest, darkest abyss and lights it up with glowing, glistening flames.. it is in times like this, that you really feel like some of those efforts paid off.

missed the boat

was scouting around for a healthcare stock to diversify my portfolio some months back and chanced upon the gem that was Thomson Medical Centre. revenue and net profit growth year on year, strong management team, numerous accolades won throughout the hospital's history which cemented their position within the industry, negative correlation to STI, were among some of the factors which checked out.

wanted to buy the share when it was at $0.78 but my war-chest had already been emptied from several earlier purchasers. unlike GIC, who has a warchest of some hundred billions, mine is a paltry, beyond pathetic, figure in comparison =x

i thought to revisit this counter when i liquidated my other investments, but i never got around to doing so. while i was dilly-dallying, the hospital did an open market share buyback to issue these as equity to its employees. this serves to incentivize their employees to work hard because their fortunes rise and fall with that of the company, hence motivation to work hard. issuing equity to employees is the hallmark of a good company.

subsequently, after the share buyback and some restructuring, the stock price rose to $1.02 per share. this counter was even more out of my reach now, partly because of my measly warchest, and partly because of my perceived expensive-ness of the change. more dilly-dallying.. more indecisiveness..

yesterday, remisier king peter lim said he would buy over all the shares in the company at $1.75 per share. owned. fate has strange ways of teaching you lessons.. such that you'll remember it for the rest of your life.

which is more superior?

Fama (1972) indicates that there are two ways for fund managers to obtain abnormal returns. The first one is security analysis, which is the ability of fund managers to identify the potential winning securities. The second one is market timing, which is the ability of portfolio managers to time market cycles and take advantage of this ability in trading securities.

Letter to Prof

Hi Prof ****,

We had a tutorial earlier.

For the industrial REIT recommendation, I was the person who presented the table with some of the financial ratios, i.e. yields, p/bv. I was also the one who said that this recommendation may be well out of our scope. I feel that as consultants, we are supposed to do a thorough and comprehensive job, and this calls for inputs from professionals from other fields.

The detailed analysis of stocks (analyst reports) are done by brokerage houses/banks with teams of people (comprising economists, statisticians, business analysts) who do everything from data crunching (study beta, do earnings forecast, study debt profile and refinancing risks, study cash balances and the possibilities of mergers and acquisitions, study manager fee structures and whether it incentivizes the manager to flip properties, e.g. divestment fees, etc) to interviewing the respective companies' CEOs to get an insider feel of the company.

Also, there are different investment philosophies, i.e. value investor versus growth investor vs contrarian investor, etc. A value investor would be hesitant to buy any stocks that are overvalued (premium to nav is one of the considerations). A growth investor would look at capital gains potential, then REITS which are typically used as defensive investment tools and have little capital appreciation potential would not be in their consideration. A contrarian investor would just buy when everyone else is selling, and vice versa.

My point is that the answer is 'it depends'. We need to consider all the factors and 2 weeks for preparation is too short a time for a report of the comprehensiveness that you request [or appear to demand :) ]. Also, we have to cope with 4 other modules (all 4MCs too) as well.

I would like to say that I've learnt a lot from you, and hope the learning continues till the end of the semester. I enjoy hearing your business stories, especially those of your overseas escapades.

Thank you.

Regards,

Jansen Ko

Dear Jansen:

Thanks very much for your email. I am realistic and do not expect any group to give a very thorough recommendation of any particular REIT. All the factors you mentioned below are correct.

The main learnings that are to be obtained from the tutorial is not about making the "perfect" or "most correct" recommendation. Rather, it was to get all of you to use your initiative, intelligence, knowledge and resources to pull together and analyse the essential information about the chosen sector of the property market and to learn from this process. For some groups, they discovered that their reasoning, recommendation and comments of their market sector were very lacking in solid facts and logical reasoning and full of loopholes. For others who put in more effort in THINKING through and interpreting the reports and tables/charts more thoroughly, they learned how to use information and link them to the lectures and readings to give a more convincing presentation.

In real life, you would likely work with other analysts or consultants to recommend any specific REIT. But because all of you will become real estate professionals, you still need to know something about the property market (and its key sectors) before you talk about the REIT. Every REIT has a portfolio of properties so you have to know how changes in the market and the economy will affect these properties in the REIT - will they pose threats or opportunities for the REIT?

It is not true that there is only 2 weeks to prepare for this tutorial. Most groups may start preparing only 2 weeks ago but in fact I uploaded this tutorial a long while back. And it does not matter whether you have 2 weeks or 2 days to prepare for this tutorial. Because in real life, you will always have datelines and time and resources constraints. The issue is, how you manage your time and how your group shares the responsibilities in order to do a good job.

My comments were meant to be suggestions on how every group can improve on using the fact, figures and analysis to build a convincing case. Where I criticise and ask for "proof" this is to encourage all of you to get into the discipline of backing up every statement you make with facts or reasoning and avoid making erroneous conclusions and imprecise description. It is also to "train" everyone to be "thick skinned" and strong so that you don't crumble or feel defeated when under attack. Eventually, when you start your professional life, you will grow you appreciate your tough clients because they force you to learn and push you to a higher standard of performance than lenient ones who allow you to make mistakes and blunders which may damage your reputation and don't help you to learn. All the tough questions that I throw at you has been thrown at me at one time or another by tough clients and bosses of high standards - GIC Real Estate, Capitaland, Goldman Sachs, Keppel Land Board of Directors, ING Real Estate, DBS Bank etc. They gave me a tough time but I learned so much from them that I can repeat similar questions on all of you to expose you to the high standards of the professional business world.

You notice that I do not expect any fixed "model answer" for this tutorial. Fact is, there is no one fixed answer because any investor can invest in any sector of the property market depending on his investment objectives. This tutorial is about whether you and your group can apply everything that we covered in this module and also to use your THINKING, REASONING, and READINGS / RESEARCH to explain the market and to encourage you to read a variety of real estate consultant reports so that you know the manner in which they report and market and also the limitations and misleading analysis that some consultants make. It also exposes the limitations of the URA data which tend to be rather macro in nature (more useful for urban planning) and too general to be totally useful to explain any specific sector for business purposes. It does not mean URA data is useless. It means you cannot take all their figures lock, stock and barrel without understanding their basket, their definitions and what exactly they are measuring.

If you learned how you presentation can be improved, what can be emphasised and stated and what NOT to say and if, after the tutorial you had a better understanding or idea of any specific property sector and how to handle difficult questions, this tutorial would have achieved its objective.

Still, I appreciate your being motivated and perturbed enough about this tutorial to write to me. This shows you care.......far better than being indifferent or uninterested!

Best wishes,

Prof ****

19/10/10 Schedule

9-12pm: Real Estate Market Analysis Tutorial 4 Presentation
(Presentation for make-believe Saudi Arabian businessmen looking to invest in industrial real estate sector in Singapore, formal attire.)

12-2pm: Real Estate Finance and Investment project meeting
(SAS Programming. Testing Jensen's Alpha on REITS. Comparison of other performance evaluation measures.)

2-4pm: Real Estate Market Analysis project meeting
(Analysis of Luxury Condo Market in Singapore. Plugged data into model. Model not applicable for Singapore.)

4-6pm: Introduction to World History tutorial
(Why is a real estate student doing history!? Go into history class wearing formal and sticking out like a sore thumb.)

6pm-Late: Human Resource Project Meeting
(Case Study on Lee Kim Tah. Prepare/rehearse 20% presentation on Friday)

Late - Even Later: Finish up History Book Review due 25/10/10.

hell week. my complexion is a function of stress levels.

Complexity in Defining Good vs Bad Concepts

By Damon Linker

Is religion is a force for good? It is a tough question. Like most efforts to make sweeping judgments about human affairs, this one at first seems to run aground on complexity.

Consider: is science a force for good? In many ways yes, since it has contributed enormously to the sum total of human knowledge and opened up technological innovations that have greatly benefited humanity. But of course science and technology have also brought us eugenics, nuclear weapons and numerous forms of environmental degradation.

What about war: is it a force for good? At first blush, with images of millions of dead and maimed soldiers and civilians flashing through our heads, the answer would seem to be an obvious no. But what if we are fighting Hitler? Or defending ourselves against an unjust attack by an aggressor out to steal our resources, enslave us, or even exterminate us? In such cases, I would submit, war can be a very great good indeed.

Religion is much the same. It has unified societies, given them a sense of collective meaning and purpose, and inspired enormous feats of creativity (good). But it has also stood in the way of scientific inquiry and treated ignorance as a virtue (bad). It has encouraged great acts of collective charity (good). But it has also provoked pious cruelty (bad). It has stirred people to challenge injustice and undertake political and social reform (good). But it has also allied with tyrants to quash dissent and ignited spasms of furious violence (bad).

The same ambiguity prevails at the individual level. Believers will line up to testify about how much they benefit from their faith. They reside in a profoundly moral universe overseen by a providential deity who rewards the righteous and punishes the wicked. This creator cares about each and every one of us—and perhaps about each and every hair on each and every one of our heads. He is our heavenly father. He hears and answers our prayers. He is the author of human history and guides it towards divine ends. He miraculously intervenes in our lives. He comforts our anxiety and redeems our suffering and sins.

But religion also makes its own distinctive contribution to human suffering. It can be terrifying (and psychologically devastating) to believe that the creator of the universe sees and judges—and will punish with eternal hellfire—our every transgression. (Renowned atheist Christopher Hitchens aptly describes this aspect of piety as consigning us to a celestial North Korea.) Religious practices can also involve the infliction of pain on ourselves and others. Male and female forms of circumcision, Christian mortification of the flesh, self-flagellation in Shia Islam, the radical renunciation of worldly goods demanded by Buddhist and Hindu monasticism—each religion has its distinctive forms of asceticism.

Of course those who engage in these practices usually deny their cruelty. "This is how God intends us to live," they will say, "and following his dictates is the only path to holiness." And here we run into an added layer of complexity—namely, the difficulty of determining whether religion is good without first determining whether it is true. After all, if there is in fact a God, then we had better do what he wants—and the goodness of his commands would seem to follow necessarily from their divine origins. Raising the question of religion's goodness presumes that we have already raised doubts about, or even denied outright, religion's truth.

But the relationship between the truth and goodness of God runs in the other direction as well. Would anyone continue to believe in a deity whose commands appeared to be consistently, indisputably evil? The disturbing fact is that when believers maim and kill in the name of God, they do so not simply because that is what they think God wants them to do, but also because they think those divine edicts are morally justified. Belief in the existence of God stands or falls with belief in the goodness of God.

And that might provide hope for the future of humankind no less than the future of religion. As our moral sensibilities evolve, perhaps human beings will find it increasingly difficult to believe in the existence of a God who sanctions the mutilation of female genitalia or the murder of innocent civilians in explosive acts of suicide-martyrdom. If so, religions may face a choice between extinction and adaptation to the moral norms of liberal modernity. In that case, the religions that survive will do so by slowly shedding many of their worst aspects while expanding on their best, providing humanity with comfort and spiritual sustenance while no longer cultivating ignorance, cruelty and fear.

Is religion a force for good? Not as much as it will be.

http://www.economist.com/debate/days/view/595

First Ascent - Patagonia Promise

I watched the above film, and cried and cried and cried.

Life is so short, I must live it to fullest.

The conflict between the mind and the heart - will I be able to resolve? Who can give me the answers? The more I learn, the less I know.

RiverLife - the good life?

if he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him? if he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future? if he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers? if he is everywhere, why erect temples to him?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

RiverLife Youth Ministry
last saturday night, at the invitation of a friend, i joined them for a night of song and fun. the event targeted the NUS cell. basically, each church member currently schooling in NUS now brings some (i would think preferably non-christian) friends to the event. if campus crusades dont work, why not try turning on the charm at social events? humans are social animals who respond positively to pleasant stimulants.. like that frontman with the charming smile and boyish looks. a rather smart modus operandi.

priced at $5 for a live band performance plus buffet, the event was at a bistro located within the singapore flyer, complete with a raised patio at the front to accommodate the band. and boy the food was excellent. pasta with sauteed mushrooms, baked chicken wings, grilled fish in a batter.. salivating already?

Donate 10% of your hard-earned money to ME ME ME
notice how the churches constantly ask for donations? and you think that money is spent on charity? think again. in fact, most of that money is spent on heavily subsidizing events like this - spreading the gospel in a cool and chic fashion. booking the venue at a location within town, inviting singer-songwriter Alarice to feature (and probably paying her for the gig), free flow food and drinks, with waitresses to serve you to boot. i can just imagine the hefty bill. it's weirdly paradoxical how the average pious churchgoer (who donates weekly to the tithe bag) is picking up the tab for a hard-line agnostic like myself. heh. i'm not complaining though. thanks for a night of fun.. at your expense.

anyways i only agreed to go because my friend promised that the band will only sing secular songs. however, to a certain extent, that promise was renegaded upon. dont get me wrong; the band did sing secular songs. however, what i find rather distasteful is how the members would intersperse the secular songs with some form of preaching.

Example A
there was this girl who shared her experience of how her dad had always been rather demanding of her since she was a child. he sent her for countless tuition/enrichment classes and expected her to be the best in everything she attended. he was always judgmental of her, even going to the extent of tearing up her music book when she couldnt play a piano piece properly. she had to go to class without a music book, which traumatised her terribly. she found God, a father figure who was always there for her, who never judged, who knew everything about her.. her good and her bad, and hence converted. this God, is her 'only exception', who made her feel complete. after which the band played 'the only exception' by paramore. if the logic of the above sob story leading to the playing of the song appears slightly contrived to you, dont worry you're not the only one who feels this way =x

Example B
another dude, who is a major in sociology, shared with us how his dad abandoned his family when he was 3 years old. his mother had to raise two young children single-handedly, taking up 2 jobs to see her children through university. the stress of having to shoulder the burden alone could have led her on some occasions to vent that frustration on her children. he shared with us how the growing up process was trying for him, and how he is constantly envious of other children from complete families. in short, he said how he found God, and with God, peace. he shared how God assumed the role of a father-figure, and became the father he never had. God expelled the demons from his past. all in all, a nice sob story, laced with subtle messages convincing the audience to his point of view.

but, if he were truly a sociology student, then certainly he would have learned what durkheim (religion as simply an expression of social cohesion) and marx (religion as a opiate of the masses) say about religion. how he manages to reconcile what he studies in school and what he believes in, is beyond my understanding.

Utility vs Truth
just because i think via dolorossa is a touching song (the whole crown of thorns and driven into a stake scenario does stimulate the tear ducts a little) doesnt make the faith truer. just because He helped gal A and dude B doesnt mean He will help me too.

nevertheless, whether religion is useful or not shouldnt be the point of the debate. the point of the debate should be whether it is true or not. one major sticking point i had was that they over-emphasized on how religion is useful to their lives, totally neglecting to explore the historical/anthropological/archaeological basis for the faith. for them, it doesnt matter if the religion were true or not, what matters to them is that it has been useful for them, which is an entirely flawed approach to base your beliefs on.

no wonder sigmund freud (father of psychoanalysis) says that religion is a form of wish-fulfillment. freud adds the explanation that the adoption of religion is a reversion to childish patterns of thought in response to feelings of helplessness and guilt. we feel a deep-seated need for security and forgiveness, and so invent a source of security and forgiveness: God. how apt a description for what i witnessed.

Faith Triumphs All?
the problem of evil? the problem of divine omnipotence and omniscience? the problem of divine justice? the problem with petitionary prayer? the problem with original sin? so many tough questions, one probably searches for an entire life and can yet remain clueless. much work involved here. no wonder the typical layman is fond of brushing aside all these questions and proudly proclaim, as if with a God-given right, that "Faith Triumphs All!". *add in a beaming, almost gleeful, smile to complete the maniacal look of yet another god-bot*

i prefer the magic of reason.

born again agnostic,
jansen

climbing and cheesecakes

did 3 days of climbing at the climbing gym in putrajaya. it was my first time there, so naturally i was wowed upon stepping through the front doors. it's a climber's paradise, nuff said. the sense of awe and wonder gradually subsided, and the usual business-like approach to entering a new training ground took over.

i went a muerte (spanish for to the death) on every route attempted. the feeling of fighting the pump, gasping for air, lunging for the next move feeling like gravity's gonna have her way but miraculously sticking it, and then fighting again.. ahh.. forgot how much i enjoyed that feeling.

thoroughly enjoyed the trip with the climbers from ngee ann polytechnic. they taught me a thing or two about climbing (shaun is a high wall maestro with not a single fear cell inside him!) and most importantly, learning to take things easy. i recall why i enjoy climbing trips in the first place. forcing myself to step outside my comfort zone and interact with other climbers brings out the best in me. that way i imbibe a little of their styles and climbing philosophy.

going on trips having to be the resident clip-bitch babysitter who is also taken for granted as the gear dispenser takes a toll on my mental well-being. i seek to avoid such trips as much as possible.

and ohh i ate wayyy too many cheesecakes. am swearing off cheesecakes for at least a few months.. burp.

END OF 3 MONTH INTERNSHIP!

today marked the end of 3 months of shuffling from site to site. worked for a property management company that have a portfolio of properties under them. the upside is that i get to visit buildings with different uses, e.g. industrial, retail, office and experienced the intricacies of managing each type. the downside is that as soon as i get used to journeying to a certain place, i get plucked right out of my comfort zone and have to adjust to travelling to another place all over again. in my final stint, the work site was at pasir panjang. the most important lesson i've taken away from the internship is that travelling to and fro hougang and pasir panjang during the rush hour every day is no joke.

jokes aside, i learned a lot from the mentor whom i was attached to, and also from one of the directors of the company. am grateful for them being ever patient, even though sometimes i may be slightly slow on the uptake. cant blame a jc kid for being too theoretical and law-by-law right.

gained much knowledge regarding the property management aspect of the real estate business. next year, i hope to venture into the finance/valuation side of real estate, and hopefully work for a REIT (real estate investment trust) or a valuation company.

what i've lost in youth i've gained in wisdom?

off to putra for a short getaway. time to get my sexy holiday back.

i have a friend

i made this friend in army when going through the wayang party that is some sergeant course. this friend is the anti-thesis of what an army sergeant is supposed to be.

an army sergeant is supposed to be a lean-mean vulgarities-spewing machine whom the men are scared of. my friend gets bullied by the men.

an army sergeant is supposed to be highly proficient in his equipment-skills. my friend probably knows as much as a private.

even though he is a blur sotong who gets bullied by everyone, he's still my friend. he may suck in playing the army game, but he's a dean's lister in literature - a fact many people arent aware of. i recognize that there are different kinds of intelligence in this world, and the one who's quickest to judge is probably the least intelligent of all. who knows.. maybe he'll win the nobel prize for literature in future or something. he also has this uncanny ability to only do what he likes, and as a result he takes joy in even the simplest of things.

for all those times spent in canteen break, or bantering with each other, or discussing literary nuances, or simply just stoning in the sergeant mess, i thank you! it's been a pleasure to laugh at you.. and laugh with you..

The Question of God

Read the above title by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr. The author has initially introduced a course on the writings and thoughts of Sigmund Freud (atheist) at Harvard. The classes suffered poor attendances until he introduced CS Lewis (atheist-turned-believer) into the curriculum. He has been teaching for the course for 25 years since. Debates became more lively and in some instances, more heated. Perhaps in teaching solely one view, the teacher is preaching to the choir. Perhaps this is what makes the world interesting – people with diametrically opposed world views participating in the great conversation of mankind. A world with people all singing to the same tune won’t be very interesting, will it?

Read not to contradict, but to weigh and consider

In the book, Nicholi examined human life from the views of Freud and Lewis, one of the unbeliever and the other of the believer. He says that we should look at both views as objectively and dispassionately as possible and let the arguments speak for themselves. However, he acknowledges that no one can remain neutral on such emotionally charged issues. To be told that your world view is predicated on a false premise and that your entire life thus far has been lived in vain? Ouch. He notes that because of the over-arching implications of these views in our lives, we tend to vehemently dismiss or discredit the arguments for the worldview we reject. I especially liked the part where he made a plea for the reader to follow Sir Francis Bacon’s advice to “read not to contradict.. but to weigh and consider.”

After reading their views on the question of whether there is an ultimate creator, of whether there is a universal moral law, and the problem of pain and suffering, among others, I’m must admit I’m ashamed at my own mediocre arguments. Till I learn more, maybe the best course of action is to remain silent. To be fuller in mind and fuller of heart, that is my aspiration for the future.

A wise man told me this..

I think expecting logic and rationality from everyone is impossible. The best that I can think of is to conduct myself with humility and approach everyone with a kind attitude. To learn and unlearn. Sigh. It's tough to be a human.